Phan Can I Feel That Way
by speedyowl152
Summary: First fan fiction. About Danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil, Phan. Phil comes across a blog online and now he doesn't know how he feels about his friend Dan and he's worried someone will find out. Drama follows (no language or smut, not suitable for people against gays). Hope you enjoy R&R. Finished version.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: First fan fiction ever, so don't judge. I may not even finish this but if you're reading this then wow I'm pleased I put in such effort and that you bothered to click on this one when there are so many others Hope you enjoy, suggestions for future stories because I'm awful of thinking independently. Also bad at spelling so don't hunt me down and kill me if I spell something wrong… please…**

It was a warm evening in the early days of summer. In England you couldn't really tell the difference, it was still cold but as the sun set you could see red lights across the skies of London. Dan Howell was sat in his living room in his uncomfortable looking 'browsing' position. He had been on the internet for quite a while now and as day turned into night. His roommate and fellow You-Tuber Phil Leister was upstairs in his room. He was sat in his chair with his head resting on his hand, looking at his computer screen that wasn't turned on.

"No…nah…mm…I can't I-I'm just…tired…I'm jumping to conclusions…it's just influence from what people expect or want...crazy…" Repeating these words to himself Phil looked worried, concerned, amazed and nervous at the same time. His sparkling blue eyes had dark circles beneath them as he had been unable to sleep for two days after stumbling onto a Tumblr dedicated to something he and his friend have thought ridiculous for four years. Phan, the name for the hypothetical relationship between him and his roommate. After seeing the blog he could think of nothing else and was starting to consider that he did like Dan, more than a friend. He was beginning to realise that maybe he always had. He had known he was bisexual for years now but he was always going to settle down with a girl to avoid people judging him. Now though, he had no idea what he was going to do or what he wanted. He couldn't be around his friend now, he's tried to act normal but he can't help but stare and when he hears Dan's voice it feels as if the world stops and Phil never wants it to start again.

"Shut up, my gosh you're crazy… this is ridiculous I've just been inside too often, I haven't had a girlfriend in two years the loneliness is getting to me a-and the peer pressure from almost a million phan girls. I'm not thinking straight, and I'm not going to say anything… it'll pass, w-why wouldn't it? ... I just need some fresh air, right." He grabbed his phone and stood up from his chair.

"You okay?" asked the lingering Danisnotonfire at the door way. Phil's eyes shot open as he looked towards Dan and a flash of worry hit him like a punch in the face. He froze in position for a couple of seconds before the sirens in his head calmed down and Phil was able to speak some words.

"H-How long have you been stood there?" He stuttered and straightened himself up so he didn't look like a weird statue. He looked Dan in the eyes for a second but it was too hard, he stared at the floor as his eyes went red.

"Since you said 'not thinking'… but you still haven't answered my original question, there's something different and I don't know what it is but it's there. Are you O.K.?" Phil wasn't really listening, he was trying to think what he muttered, said in his head and said out loud and in what order. Phil knew Dan hadn't been stood there long but he was worried and nervous with so many new emotions and ideas. He realised after everything Dan said he was taking ages to answer and realised how weird he must have seemed.

"I'm fine, got to go…erm bye then" Saying the first thing that came to his head that would get him out of the situation he pushed past Dan and walked out the door. He was practically running, phone in hand as he left the house. His face red with embarrassment as he ran down the street and into a local park. He was out of breath and confused with all the new information and emotions that were rushing through his head at such a speed he felt so sick. Phil leant on a tree and slid down it till he was sat on the shadowed grass below him. He put his face in his hands and hoped that no one he knew would see him. Just then his phone buzzed, he completely forgot that he had it on him; it was Dan trying to speak with him.

At their house Dan was standing there shocked, unsure of what just happened but he knows something was wrong. There was clearly something upsetting and worrying happening and if Phil couldn't tell him then what could it be that was so awful. Dan thought to himself for a moment or two and decided he wouldn't talk about this 'issue' because Phil clearly didn't want to say what it was. He thought over the last few days about what's changed and how Phil's been acting before he realised that in the last two days he hasn't seen or heard from Phil.

"Why would he be so quiet and nervous… what's changed?" Dan thought to himself out loud and decided that he should check online. Phil was normally so happy and innocent so something to change him into that stuttering wreck must have been pretty big. He walked into the living room which was by the hallway so he could hear if Phil came home. Just as Dan attempted to start his computer he remembered that Phil had his phone on him. He walked into the hallway to get his mobile from his jacket and texted Phil a simple message that he hoped wouldn't make him feel any worse.

'To: AnnoyingPhil

Hey, I'm not asking anything and I won't, it's late so let me know if you're coming back (please do) and don't do anything I wouldn't while you're out.

Dan :-]

3'

"Oh my god…" Phil said to himself as he read the text message. As all the information stopped screaming at him he realised how weird he was running off crying because his roommate heard him talk to himself. He thought it over and came to the conclusion that Dan was probably none the wiser and that the longer he stayed out the more suspicious Dan would become.

"What's with the love heart and the please do… I think he's just worried, yes that's it. What does he mean by the: don't do anything I wouldn't do… does he think I'll do something illegal or harmful or… STOP OVER THINKING EVERY THING!" He yelled at himself in the now empty park. He got up and went onto his phone to send a text to his friend.

'To: Daniel

Sorry, don't know what happened there I'm coming back k '

Standing up Phil began to walk back down the street to his house, while he walked he was thinking of what he could say and what would happen at the end of the day.

"Damn you, why are you so slow at loading everything!" Dan yelled at his computer frustrated that the screen was still off after pressing the on button so many times. He slammed his lap top shut in anger and went upstairs where he saw Phil's computer through the crack of his room door. With a nervous look on his face knowing that he shouldn't Dan went into Phil's room and turned on his computer. Much faster than his Dan was able to get online quickly and checked his YouTube notifications, twitter notifications and then went onto Tumblr. Just then Dan's phone buzzed with the text from Phil but he left it downstairs and was unable to hear it. When Dan went on Tumblr he forgot to log out of Phil's account and log into his; thinking he was on his account he looked through some stuff before stumbling onto pages Phil had visited in the past.

"Dan!" Phil said as he walked through the front door, looking around he was surprised at how empty and quiet it was. He shivered as he removed his coat and shut the door, he went into the living room and then the kitchen looking for his roommate. Phil had no idea what he was going to say, he didn't even know what he wanted but while he was outside thinking he finally said to himself.

"Yes. Yes I think so… I'm almost certain, I love him I always had and I can't continue like this knowing that I can never tell him and one day he'll be gone and I'll be alone. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner but I hid it from even myself because… because I can't bare the truth."

"What on earth?" Dan asked himself as he scrolled through the internet history of Phil's laptop over the last few days. Unsure of what he was seeing he visited every site until he found the original blog that caused Phil to think about his feelings. As he read through the page seeing the opinions of the authors and their hopes and dreams of the future, he became amazed at how not-sick it was. It was sweet and somehow they made it believable. When the blog went on about what a cute couple they could be Dan found himself mesmerised and unable to take his eyes off the screen.

"Dan?" Dan's head turned in shock as he saw Phil standing in the door way looking puzzled. Overcome with happiness that he was ok Dan stood up from the desk went over to his friend and hugged him for the first time in years. Phil hugged him back and they smiled and were happy that for that moment everything was ok. Unfortunately all good moments must end. They pulled apart stepped back and were silent for a moment or two.

"I-I hope you don't mind… I err borrowed your computer because mine was taking forever to load." Dan eventually said while pointing behind him.

"Oh… oh that's fine, you can use it whenever I don't need to." Phil replied. Another moment of silence passed but it wasn't an awkward silence more like an 'I don't know what to say next' sort of silence.

"Should I ask what's wrong because I may have an idea based on your erm internet history." Dan finally had the courage to ask. Phil stood in front of there as his face went from confused to shocked as his normally sweet puppy dog eyes flashed with what resembled anger and regret as he replied.

"W-what do you mean by that, there's nothing weird on my computer… w-why would there be?"

"No, no don't worry it's ok" He did a fake laugh to try and stop the tension "Let me put this another way ermm… Secrets aren't always great and they can really annoy you if you can't tell anybody" Dan spoke slowly so that he could organise his thoughts before saying them so he could get them across in the best way. "We have known each other for over four years now. I find that when I have a problem I tell a fr-… tell someone whom I've known for the longest because they are going to accept it and try to… understand no matter what." Dan hated the fact that as he said that he sounded like a parent who wanted their child to confess that they had done something wrong.

Phil took a deep breath and replied shakily avoiding what would soon be a judging look from the person he likes more than a best friend.

"I… Recently I… It has come to my attention that ermm… I noticed that… No erm…"

"Right, I think that recently I've found that I may like you… that I may fancy… you and up until two days ago I never agreed with myself because I knew things would only end badly and I-I don't want you to leave or dismiss the concept immediately. If you could just think about it then that would be great… thanks" Phil couldn't believe how confident he sounded when he said the last part and that he was now looking straight at Dan hopefully and maybe things might just work out ok.

Dan looked at him bewildered that Phil thought of him like that and he was flattered to be sure he smiled at first but then realisation flashed across his face he looked apologetically at Phil and said

"I've got to go… I just remembered I have to be somewhere, sorry. D-don't worry though I'll be back"

Phil nodded and looked at the floor as Dan walked past him and down the stairs, he heard the door click shut. He slowly processed all the information and tears started to stream from his eyes. He breathed deeply and pouted as he collapsed onto his bed in tears. He could think of nothing but the look of worry on Dan's face when he told him the truth. Phil had almost certainly ruined their friendship, he cried and didn't move from his bed for twenty minutes.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Sorry guys I thought I added to the first chapter then saved it but it wouldn't work for some reason so I had to add this chapter so sorry for any inconvenience.**

-The Next Morning

Dan had come back in the night and locked himself in his room. Phil had drifted off to sleep with tears still on his cheeks. Phil awoke and went to the kitchen to make his breakfast, full of regret and feeling sick as if he had a bad hangover but it was much worse than that. He had never felt so sad, depressed and disappointed in himself. Knowing he would have to get used to things being like this Phil got out is laptop and started editing a new video. He sat there for hours until he finally heard a noise at 1:00 in the afternoon. Dan walked down the stairs and into the living room, he didn't look Phil in the eye and instead looked in the rest of the room. Phil took off his head phones and sat up expecting Dan to say something. He didn't, instead Dan picked up his phone, put on his jacket and left the room. Phil slumps back down onto the chair and put his face in his hands with no tears left to cry. He'd have to get used to it because things couldn't be the way they were before and they wont.

It was 3:30 in the afternoon when Dan came back, he had an expression that showed no emotion. Dan walked into the living room but no one was there. Looking confused he climbed the stairs and knocked on Phil's bedroom door. "Phil are you in there?" Dan said softly. When no one replied he knocked on the door again. "Hey can I come in Phil?" He asked louder. When there was no reply yet again. He turned the handle slowly as he opened the door. Phil was sat on his bed wearing head phones which is why he didn't hear. There was a look of surprise on his face when Dan came in and smiled at him.

"Hey" Phil said "...how are you?" Phil asked smiling and staring into Dan's eyes. He couldn't help it, they were a deep beautiful and they sparkled like stars in the night sky. It took a couple of moments for Phil to realise that he was staring again. He looked away quickly and started and the floor "S-sorry sorry, I need to stop it's just... i'm going to have to stop dong that." "Why do you need to stop?" Dan asked with a slight grin on his face. "b-because friends don't look at each other like that." Phil stared at the ground with a straight face even though he was blushing. "Who says we have to be friends?" Dan asked with a tone of glee in his voice "w-what do you mean by that?" Phil's face lighted up with excitement hoping that Dan would say just what he wanted to hear. Dan walked over to him and sat on Phil's bed facing him. "Well... I've just broken up with my girl friend and I was waiting because I'm not a cheater. But now I'm single and I've thought about it and... if that offer of yours is still up for grabs then I'd like to accept." They smiled and stared into each others eyes, Phil leant forward and they began to kiss passionately. Tears of happiness streamed down their faces knowing that for all the time they've known each other, to be in this place was all they ever wanted.

**The end and the beginning of a wonderful future (Yay)**


End file.
